I Heart Lists

If there is one thing that I love about the end of a year, it is the excuse to make LISTS. So here are a few for you. Please share some of your favorites from this year.

Best things about this year:

My Maximus. I like him. May was a high point of this year. He is the caboose on the little train that is our family. We ended on a high note for sure.

Sally is gone! Well... some of her impact still lingers, but I'm pretty sure she has crossed over.

I still have a job (fingers crossed for that one).

I still have a house.

My minivan. Once I accepted it for what it was we learned to love each other.

They sell Tim Tams at Target now. Go to the cookie isle. You won't be disappointed.

Lists. Can I put lists as something I love on a list? I think I just did.

Things I could have lived without this year:

Bed rest and more bed rest.

"Experienced" Doctors who forget that intestines aren't meant to be sawed in half.

Insurance companies.

Pretty much anybody in the medical field that I had to deal with.

Sara Palin and many, many other Republicans. Sorry, it had to be said. In all fairness, there are plenty of Democrats I can't stand as well.

Any books, movies or TV shows with vampires. I just don't get it.

Those creepy Old Navy ads with the mannequins. Time for a new ad campaign.

99% of what is on TV. Specifically:

Dancing shows, dating shows, and Jon & Kate.

People who tell me I have a bad attitude. What is so great about being optimistic anyway?

Those people stickers that are on the back of all the minivans and huge SUV's in Utah County. How about if you drive one of these cars I just assume you have a lot of kids and a cat and/or dog. Sound good?

Skinny Jeans: Die already! I am 5'2, it isn't ever going to happen for us!

Why is this list so much longer? Seriously, WHAT BAD ATTITUDE?

...From The Bottom of my HEAAART

We want to wish you a Merry Christmas. We hope you enjoyed yourselves. We certainly did.

Max was disappointed that there wasn't food in any of his gifts. He wasn't interested after he found that out.

Santa brought Collin a very unwelcome gift in the form of a nasty eye infection. By Christmas night it had spread to both eyes and his face was all swollen. He told me it was the worst Christmas. Sorry buddy!

Cute kids on Christmas Eve.

Collin: "mommy, I can't sleep. I had a bad thought."
Me: "I'm sorry, what was your bad thought?"
Collin: "A bulldozer ran me over."
Me: "Wow. That is a bad thought. I wouldn't let that happen. I would save you."
Collin: "What if you weren't there?"
Me: "Daddy would save you."
Collin: "What if daddy wasn't there?"
Me: "Somebody would save you."
Collin: "The construction worker?"
Me: "Yes, the construction worker would save you."
Collin: "What if the construction worker was mean. He would take me away."
Me: "He isn't mean, he is nice."
Collin: "No, he's mean and he will put me in his car and take me away. Is he going to?"
Me: (Sympathy waning) "Collin, he isn't mean."
Collin: "But how will he find you? Does he know where we live? Does he know you are my mommy? Will he make sure to put my seatbelt on? What if he takes me to the wrong house? Will you look for me? Will he make me ride in the scoop? I will fall out."

My head hurts.

Gone But Not Forgotten

In her own special way Sally has made her way back into our lives. You remember Sally, right? Well she burned her parent's house down...with them in it. Ever since then Maura has had an intense fear of fire. It calmed down for awhile but the past few weeks she wakes up (or never goes to sleep) crying that she keeps thinking we will die in a fire. I thought it would make it better to make an "escape plan" and talk about how we would stay safe if we did have a fire. That just made it worse. Any advice on how to handle nightmares? Preferably advice that doesn't involve me sleeping in a twin bed with a 6 year old all night.

Darn you Sally!

So, I have this problem. My baby won't stop being cute and fat. I will never be able to say no to those blue eyes! On a side note, Rand knitted this hat for him...while watching football. I knew I like him! It was kinda hard work getting it to stretch over his huge head.



He is now sitting, crawling and generally just being the cutest baby ever.


I felt like Max was getting all the love and I don't want to forget my other crazy kids.

Seriously...you didn't know?

Wow...nothin' like having a doctor accidentally saw your intestines in half to slow your life down to a screeching halt. I have had a lot of time to catch up on movies and books. Oh, who am I kidding, I watched TV for 2 weeks straight. Some highlights: Watched "The Jerk" and laughed so hard it hurt. Reruns of "Arrested Development" on IFC and everything on the Discovery Channel. But I did have time to watch a bunch of crap. There is actually a show called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." Have you seen it? It is real, like real people with real stories. THEY AREN'T MAKING THIS UP and that is what scares me. People who go 9 months not knowing they are pregnant (there are prerequisites for being pregnant people!) and then think they are just constipated when they go into labor. I have some experience in this area, so I feel I am justified in asking these women to please consider getting their tubes tied. Or at least lets not make a show about it, because it makes me sad for the human race. But alas, I did watch every darn episode of it so I suppose I am to blame.

I tend to over-anaylize everything and tell really long, rambling stories. I'm going to resist the urge to make a list today and leave it at this: I AM THANKFUL. The end.

Home Sweet Home.

In case any of you are wondering what the hell happened to me (and even if you aren't) here's the lowdown:

I went in on Wednesday for some MINOR surgery. I have had endometriosis for a long time and it is really painful and it was a final surgery to remove the source of the pain. It was intended to be a same day surgery or at the most one night in the hospital. Well, when I woke up in recovery I knew it was bad. I had six doctors standing over me and one of them saying to the other "has anyone told her husband yet?" Not a good sign. It also felt like my innards were on fire, so that was another sign. Then some machines beeped, I was in and out of it and they took me to ICU. Yipee, my first stay in the hospital other than having babies and I get the ICU. Nice. I sorta got the story of what happened and it goes like this...surgery was done and they were ready to sew me up but saw some internal bleeding. They didn't think much of it and were going to close me anyway but one surgeon said to the other "hey, isn't that a piece of her bowel hanging there, maybe we should check that out." So it seems that they "lacerated" or in other words, sliced two inches through the lower part of my intestines. Sound nice doesn't it? So they had to sedate me a whole bunch more and call in a surgeon to open my abdomen up all the way and fix me. I know it isn't pleasant to talk about, but man oh man bowel surgery hurts. I had five lovely days in the hospital where I wasn't allowed to see my kids. Then they took away all food. And then. Then they took away my pain medication. They gave me about the equivalent of tylenol for abdominal surgey. And I am not one of those people that "doesn't like pain pills." Bring me the pills, injections, whatever you've got and bring it fast or four letter words start flying. There were other complications with my heart and lungs and then finally today I was well enough to come home. With some pain pills. So nobody had to die.

So that is my story, I'm so glad to have made it out of it, I know it shouldn't have happened, but it could have been so much worse. And while I'm in pain (if someone asks me to rate it on a scale of one to ten, I will murder you) home is such a better place to heal. My nurses were nice, but here I get my own bed, get-well notes pushed under the door, stuffed animals tucked under my chin while I'm sleeping, and Lars' potato soup brought to me. I still have a ways to go to get better...but I will get there.

Thanks for all of your calls, emails, texts, flowers, and food and for everyone who watched our little monkeys for so long. It is all very much appreciated. And thanks to Rand for sitting by me night and day. I know I am not pleasant when I am in pain. I don't mind if you slip yourself a few pills and take a break from this craziness. You deserve it.

Heavy.

I can't remember who suggested I read "The Book Thief." Whoever you are, thank you. It was amazing. It was also a very, very heavy book to take in. I bawled my eyes out during a few parts of it, I was stressed out, I didn't sleep very well (nothing new) and when I did sleep I had dreams of Nazi's chasing me. So I'm glad it is over, but I also wish that I had another book that would even come close to being as good. It might be awhile. Please read it. I would tell you what it is about, but I wouldn't do it justice.

"I wanted to tell the book thief many things, about beauty and brutality. But what could I tell her about those things that she didn't already know? I wanted to explain that I am constantly overestimating and underestimating the human race-that rarely do I ever simply estimate it. I wanted to ask her how the same thing could be so ugly and so glorious, and its words and stories so damning and brilliant.
None of these things came out of my mouth. All I was able to do was turn to Leisel Meminger and tell her the only truth I know."

Sometimes.

It is okay that my front room turns into a train station.
It is okay if I trip over little tiny cars or find them in my purse.
It is okay if a cute baby spits up all over me.
Sometimes it is even okay when I get woken up in the night by a little girl with bad dreams.
You want to know what isn't okay? The phrase "Mommm, Collin peed in your bed." Not so okay with me. Especially when I have been all day without caffeine. It is times like this when a visitor comes. She has been named "the mommy monster" by Maura. She doesn't come very often, but she lives deep inside of me and comes out sometimes when I have had it. She came and it wasn't pretty and there was yelling and some tears. Then she went away again and I am back. I hope she doesn't come back for a really long time. I am even a little scared of her.

Do you have one of them living inside of you too?

Halloween

Oh how I love Halloween. Here are some pictures and highlights from our celebration of this strange and wonderful holiday:

I dressed as a prom queen from the 80's. I wore lots of makeup and a really tight dress. This seemed like a good idea until I:

• Almost passed out at Maura's school from sucking in my gut too long.
• Tried to wash off the hot pink makeup that covered my face and got hives. Lots of them.
• Was asked over and over if the dress was mine from highschool.

Yes, those are diapers on the ground. Even the Prom Queen had to change diapers. Though I couldn't get back up after I did. Dress. Was. So. Tight.

We had an awesome party with my crazy family at our house and:

• Duck-duck-goose turned into a full-contact sport.
• We all had villains names on our back to guess who we were. It took Lars about an hour and 100 questions to realize he didn't know the name of the Godfather. It is Michael Corleone.
• The older girls provided the highlight of the evening when they came down and did the Thriller dance for us. Awesome.
• We ended the evening watching "Slow Donnie." If you don't know what I'm talking about...your loss. Donnie says vacuum.

The kids came to my work and:

• Collin screamed like a little girl in the spook alley and I told him it wasn't scary. Then Darth Maul jumped out at me and I screamed like a little girl.
• I didn't win anything for my RAD costume. I had to wear a corset. I ratted my hair. Someone said my shoes were so ugly and went with the costume. They were just my real shoes that I wear all the time. They weren't even part of the costume.

Collin had fun, he just looked bummed out in all his pictures.

Max was very solemn and wouldn't smile. I think he was concentrating on laying eggs.

Halloween Prequel

A Vampiress, a train conductor, a chicken, a prom queen and Rand. You will find them all at our house on Halloween. More to come...

Legalize It!

Okay, I know I am going to get people angry with me on this one, but I'm always up for a good debate. Bring it.

I saw this article online: http://www.ksl.com/?nid=153&sid=8359921

Let me start by saying I don't use marijuana and I'm not planning on doing so in the future. However, I have seen firsthand the adverse effects prescription pain medication cause and how little they can do for pain. They are addictive, cause horrible side effects, and lead to many deaths each year. Marijuana has proven benefits without these things. So I have never understood why we spent resources going after people distributing medical marijuana to people who are benefiting from it. I think more states need to start using it for medical purposes and I think this is a step in the right direction.

What do you think?

"Rachel, you are talking to yourself."
"I know."
"You should stop."
"I know."

Amazing.

Maura finally finished her Reflections contest entry and I wanted to showcase her masterpiece. She is such a perfectionist when it comes to her art...and this was no exception. I'm kind of relieved she didn't draw coffins and dead people, you never know with this girl and her crazy imagination. But she drew a lovely arrangement of all things happy. Although those large bees look like they are ready to attack. She titled it "Amazing Day." Good job Maura!

why do birds suddenly appear?

Every time

You

Are

Near?

I know it seems like I share a lot of embarrassing moments with you. But the sad truth is that I withhold a lot of information for fear of sounding (if possible) even crazier than I really am. So I have a story for you that I was going to keep to myself. I told Rand and his reaction alone confirmed that this was probably something I should keep to myself. But on further contemplation (and for the sake entertaining my readers) I decided it was funnier than it was embarrassing. And so here you go. This is your reward for enduring my craziness via this blog. You deserve it.

I have sleep issues. I have insomnia, night terrors (thought only kids got those, but I am lucky), sleepwalking, sleep–talking, sleep-cleaning, sleep-just-get-up-and-move-randomly-about-the-house. But A few nights ago I had a new sleep experience. I woke up from a strange dream. It was strange because it seemed so normal, and I am not known for your basic run-of-the-mill dreams. End of the world, yes. Demon children in forests, yes. Serial killers chasing me, yes. And my favorite, me and Emily going off the cliff to our untimely deaths (I just like to mention this because it REALLY upsets her when I talk about it). So anyway, my dream was of me buying songs on iTunes. So I woke up and thought “what a boring dream.” And didn’t think anything more of it. Then I got an email from iTunes. It was a receipt for 3 songs. It wasn’t a dream, I got on iTunes, logged in, searched through songs, bought three of them and entered in my credit card information. How scary is that? So you want to know what my subconscious mind wants to listen to? The Airborne Toxic Event, Metric (never heard of them), and the Carpenters.

It's Like This And Like That

I've haven't blogged in awhile and thought it was time. Just some brief updates and random thoughts...

1. I need a vacation. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
2. Max is the fattest cutest thing ever. Collin has been calling him "Chubby Lubby" and it kind of stuck. Although he is beyond chubby. He is just plain fat.
   
3. Maura is intensely into her "art" lately. She is doing a picture for Reflections. I would post it but she hasn't perfected it yet.
   
4. Collin tells me every day "I love you more than anybody" and it melts my heart. He tells Rand the same thing which means he is lying to someone...I refuse to believe it's me.
   
5. I'm reading the new Dan Brown book and I HATE it but I have to finish it. Has anyone else read it? I'm the only one who thinks it is just a very long excuse for him to prove how much he knows about symbols and secret societies? Someone please give me some good books to read.
   
6. I love Halloween. It is creepy and scary and nobody understands why we celebrate it. Halloween and I have a lot in common.
   

For the meaning of life...read here

Let me just start by saying my parents are kinda awesome. I don't just say that because I am so awesome. People are stunned when I tell them that my Dad is more liberal than me...because they can't quite fathom it. But it's true. He taught me that narrow views are dangerous and that sheltering us would only hinder us in the future. I know most people don't agree with this, but I do. I don't hide things from my kids. The world is a big, bad, ugly place and I need to prepare them to be good people and still exist in it. As most of you know I'm also a teensy bit intense. This also comes from my parents. When I disagree with you, it is just out of love of arguing/debating. I love disagreeing with people. It is just that I am always right and you are always wrong.

That being said, my dad is old and has a lot to say. We were talking about how we were tired of being the minority because we are liberals (and right...well we are left but you know what I mean) and he wrote this "essay" of sorts and I liked it. It has some basic wisdom of someone who has realized that life stinks sometimes. I think I have skipped ahead to his last step because I'm pretty darn bitter already. Again, when you read Lars' words you will understand why I am so intense and why I feel like I can say what I want whenever I want to whomever I choose. It is amazing that I have any friends at all. Thanks Lars. Oh, and make his day by commenting to this. He loves a good debate as much as me.

On Getting Older by Larry Schaugaard (a.k.a. Lars)

A short essay by the renowned Author of such great works as “How to bother my Republican Ward members and not get excommunicated.”

At the age of eight I wanted to know everything. I spent most of my time asking about the world around me and I accepted all information that was given to me regardless of how absurd the information might have been.

By the age of twelve I thought I was pretty much grown up. I began to feel like I knew a few things about the world. I was still asking plenty of questions but I wasn’t so willing to listen and believe what I was being told.

Eighteen was a special age for me. I had just finished High School (which in many ways was quite traumatic), but I was now going to live life on my own terms. At this time I thought I knew everything that was worth knowing and I was the most secure in my attitude about the world around me and the direction I was going in it. I had wonderful dreams of the great things I would accomplish.

…Then I turned 25 and a strange thing started to happen. Cracks began developing in my invincibility. I had the sad realization that there were things I might not know. Even worse than that, I might not be controlling as much of the world around me as I once thought. Sleepless started happening.

At the age of 35, as a parent, I realized to my great surprise, that it wasn’t just a few things I didn’t know… it was most things. It was at this age that my central worldview was crushed. My long-held belief that I controlled the world around me was in fact a complete illusion. I was still clinging to the idea that while many things were uncontrollable, I still had power over certain aspects of my life. Sleepless nights started occurring more frequently.

At the age of 40 it became a certainty that I didn’t know a damn thing and that life was simply a random set of events that I had little if any control over. In fact the only true control came from how I reacted to the random, unfair, and at times laughable situations life was throwing at me.

At 45 my metamorphosis was complete. I came to the conclusion that I really don’t know anything about the world I live in. I became bitter and mean because I had completely lost my illusion that I controlled anything in my world.

At 50, I felt hope starting to swell once again in my aging soul. I still didn’t know anything or control most things but because of my bitterness at learning the truth of my life I have now learned as a “stranger in a strange land” (that of being a very liberal active Mormon which seems to be an oxymoron in the state of Utah) that telling people who truly bother me to go f#$% themselves. I can now relax more at night. Sleepless nights are becoming less frequent.

At 55+, bliss is starting to set in. My old soul still doesn’t know much, controls even less, and has lost all its hopes and dreams, but I have now adopted an attitude that precludes me from giving two #$%&s about most of the insane world around me. I have now come to the part of my life that allows me to, depending on my mood at the time, either take someone’s head off or ignore them completely when some minor infractions against me might occur. I have begun taking pleasure in the small things in life such as voting a straight Democratic ticket, just so I can tell people at my VERY Republican church what I did and get under their skin. Or by going to see Michael Moore at UVU and then tell people how much I enjoyed it so I can see their reaction. I find that in the end life can still be an adventure even if that adventure is nothing more than voicing my opinion to those who don’t share my views (and bothering them). And as I contribute to the insanity of this world, sleeping is beginning to occur regularly without regret.

Maura Bruno: Cheese Connoisseur

We held the first annual Maura Bruno cheese-tasting party last night. It started out as Sunday dinner with my family and rapidly morphed into a cheese-themed party that got a little out of control. I think we had over 12 types of cheese (cheeses??) I also made a cake shaped like a cheese wheel that turned out looking more like Pac Man with polka dots, but the kids liked it anyway.

All I can say is that I'm not eating cheese again for awhile. There were some strong ones in the mix. But Maura had a blast and she deserved it after being so sick.

Here we are toasting to each other.

Here are the massive amounts of cheese. Sadly we ate most of it. And now we are paying for it.

Bugs vs. Maura/ Monster vs.Tiny

Things are calming down in the Bruno household. Maura's bacterial infection wreaked havoc and left. They thought she had kidney damage but really I just think they were out to see how much they could push me before I cracked. I could have told them it didn't take much at all. I had a mini meltdown the day they told me she would either be fine or be admitted to the hospital with permanent kidney damage. Thank goodness she is fine and almost back to normal. I sorta like that kid and want her around. Oh, and my man got a job and I am so proud. I'm pretty sure it is just based on his hotness, but that is okay with me...Though I will miss my hot maid and nanny. I will have to find a replacement...

Anyway, here are some pictures from the past few weeks. My sister-in-law Heidi and her daughter Abby were in town this week so we got to visit with them. Heidi hiked Timpanogos at 7 months pregnant. I had my baby 4 months ago and getting out of the car still gets me winded. She is amazing and it was so good to see her. Abby couldn't get enough of Max and Max in turn loved her.

Then we went to visit my friend Cathy who has a 6-7 week old baby. Granted she was only 5 pounds at birth, but she is only 2 months younger than Max and about 1/3 the weight. He tried to steam roll her and he looked like he was seriously considering eating her for a snack. We stopped him...of course. Eva is a doll and Maura asked why Max was never that small. Because he is a monster, a giant, an anamole. I don't know, I just know he is pretty damn cute and we all love that guy. Even if his head is 3X the size of sweet litte Eva's.

The End.

List.

I have promised a few people a list of books to read. I have been reading a lot lately (I recently discovered something amazing called the PUBLIC LIBRARY). Here are some of the really good ones that are worth reading. Return the favor by sending me your list of what is worth my incredibly valueable time. Please and Thank You.
The End.

1. Mystic River & Shutter Island by Denis Lehane: Mystic River is better but Shutter Island is much more fun. I love both. If you love great mysteries read them. There is a reason that so many of his books are made/being made into movies. Can't wait for Shutter Island (Leonardo DiCaprio is in it!)

2. The Fifth Child & Ben in the World by Doris Lessing: Disturbing and awesome. Ben in the World is the sequel and isn't as good as the original but still worth reading. It is about a family that has 4 perfect children and has #5 and he is...well definitely not perfect to say the least.

3. Mudbound by Hillary Jordan: I own this one if anyone is interested. It sounded dull on the cover but I bought it anyway (sometimes I don't trust my own opinion and go against it) and it was great.

4. Skeletons at the Feast-Chris Bohjalian: It is entirely possible that I butchered his last name but this is a good one too. A little harder to get through but still good. I own this one as well.

5. The Book of Dead Philosophers: This is a good coffee table book. It goes through all the great thinkers of the distant and recent past and all the crazy/unique ways they passed on, kicked the bucket, bought the farm (you get the idea).

6. What the Dead Know by Laura Lippman: Not a GREAT book but a good one.

7. What Was Lost by Catherin O'Flynn: This might be my favorite out of the bunch. Very unique and I love the way it is written. Get this one first.

8. Whistling in the Dark by Lesley Kagen : I might have mixed these last two up. One I liked and one I loved. Get them both and let me know if I was right.

And now for one I hated: John Updike's "My Father's Tears." Has anyone else read this? It was so disappointing. I love him and I wanted to love it because he's dead now and nothing new will be coming out ever again. But I despised it.

That is all for now. More to come later.

Better.

Sorry for the brief hiatus. We had a battle raging in our home. Maura vs. the evil invaders in her intestines. She is finally getting better and will be victorious soon. Maybe once she is better we will ger her tests back and find out what she had. Heaven forbid we find out while she is screaming in pain for 5 days straight (so we can actually do something about it). I hate doctors/insurance/health care industry! But that rant is for another day. Today, enjoy my 3 month old attempting to escape his bouncer. Do they make plus-size bouncers? I need one. Apparently this one cannot contain him. He did make it all the way out, but I had stop recording as to catch his head before it hit the ground.




I feel a little like my buddy Collin gets lost in the middle of our crazy family. Maura has been so sick and Max sorta demands our attention and Collin is usually just happy playing with his trains. So I have included this picture mostly to make me feel better about not paying attention to him. He loves to wear Rand's old clothes, so that is why he is always looks like he travelled back to the 70's. Well, that and the hair doesn't help either. Here he is in Rand's baseball jersey. What a good lookin' little guy I have. He looks just like his dad.

mom=not embarassing (yet)

I have the best little girl, everyone should get themselves a Maura. She made me a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and put this note in. I put a note in her lunch on the first day of school and then I thought maybe it embarrassed her so I didn't do it the next day and she said "mommy, why didn't you put a note on my napkin, I wanted to show my friends." I know someday soon she will be completely embarrassed of me (and rightfully so) so I will enjoy it now.

Must. Squeeze. Cheeks.

I just love this picture. Sometimes I forget how chubby he really is because I am around him so much. He really his a fatty. We decided since he already looked like a fat old man we would go with it and add the old man hat.

PS....Stef, can he really marry Scarlet? They can have the world's fattest, cutest babies.

becoming one with nature

I like nature. Unless you count bugs, animals and fish. Wait, fish are animals. I hate fish. We visited all of these things when we met Kalli and her very nice friends at Cascade Springs. I did quite enjoy her dog Gus, who chased some wandering cows off the path for us and a stampede of dumb ugly cows ensued. Quite entertaining. If you have ever been to Cascade Springs, it is usually a breeding ground for grasshoppers, but I didn't see a one, so it was a good day. Collin kept teasing me and saying "Mommy, a grasshopper jumped on my foot!" He thinks he is funny.

The next day was my niece Taylor's birthday and we all went to the Copper Mine to enjoy some more of nature's gifts.

This looks like Collin is playing with a tiny toy dump truck, but those things were huge! I wanted to hop in one and take a ride down the canyon but the security guard said no. I guess that is why they have security guards at a copper mine.

I love this picture. Your typical 12-year old "I am WAY too cool for this" picture. What cute nieces and nephew I have.

Collin had this grin on his face the whole time. Dirt, dump trucks, excavators...he was in heaven.

We also enjoy the great outdoors every Wednesday at Maura's soccer games. We are 0-3 but I just know we have a win in us! She runs her little heart (and littler legs) out and then loses steam about 1/2 way through, but it is so fun to watch.

Be There!

I know I ask a lot of you. But that doesn't mean I will stop. Please come to my jewelry open house tonight and order lots. Or just come and eat lots. Either way you are welcome in my home. Let me know if you need directions. And don't use any excuses like "I'm too busy" or "I can't come because I live in Croatia." Just come. 6-8 pm.

Even if you are just coming to see with your own eyes how fat Max is.

A plea to the nap gods...

Max, you are really cute. Please close your eyes. Please sleep.

New Friend

I would like to welcome the newest addition to my cubicle. Em thinks it's funny to give me plastic grasshoppers. So they all live at my desk. You will like it here buddy.

No wonder everyone stares at me.

Ms. Maura

We are heavy on the sarcasm in the Bruno household. I guess I didn't really think Maura was paying enough attention to understand what it was. I was wrong, as usual. Here is a conversation we just had:

Maura: I picked out my outfit for school tomorrow.

Me: Oh, good I found some earrings that match it. These will be perfect, I will set them out for you.

Maura: Awesome.

Me: Ya.

Maura: I was being sarcastic.

10% mad, 90% proud.

Brain Function=10%

Kept calling Max by the wrong name this morning. Will start referring to him as "boy #2"

Tripped in my shoes 3 times today, in front of people. Tried to pull it off like I was just dancing , but was unsuccessful (must remember to pick up feet when walking).

Got into the wrong car at lunch. It wasn't even the same make or model, just the same color.

Completely forgot what floor I worked on. There are only 4, so it shouldn't be all that difficult.

Jumped when I saw the plastic grasshopper by my monitor (it has been there for 2 years).

Got caught mumbling to myself, very loudly.

Must go home. Must sleep.

I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine

I've been thinking about nicknames lately. We just haven't really found one that fits Max yet. And I have tried to make it clear to everyone that "Maxi" is out. Very, very out. Nicknames are important. Sometimes they fade away but sometimes they stick with you FOREVER. When my Niece Olivia was born, Riley noticed that she somewhat resembled Bob's Big Boy. Okay, she looked just like him (if he were female and 50% asian...oh and real). So we started calling her "Bob" when she was a baby. She is 5 now and it is still hangin' on. I try to stop myself so most of the time I end up calling her "Bolivia." Poor thing, she either has an old man's name or a South American county known for drug-trafficking. Anyway, here are names that Max has been called thus far. I'm noticing a pattern here...

Maximus
Smaximus
Maximaniac
Squishy
Dough Boy
Frank the Tank
Stay Puft
Marshmallow
Fatboy Slim
Chunky
Fatty Lumpkins
and the less creative...Fatso.

I get it, he's fat. But I would rather his nickname didn't reflect the fact that he is a little rotund.

Vote for your favorite.

3 Months Old!

The stroller isn't small, he is just really THAT big.

Like Sand Through The Hourglass...

Just when you think you have things under control. Well, not under control, but just enough so you can pretend you do...your 3-year old drops his cup of juice and oj splashes to every square inch of your kitchen, fridge, walls, cabinets, purse, shoes, etc. I could almost feel sanity slipping through my fingers once again...

It really should take more than spilled orange juice. It doesn't.

Congratulations Cathy & JP!

So I guess I'm not the only one having cute babies around here. My friend Cathy had a gorgeous baby girl a few days ago. Here is Maura holding Eva. Sorry for the bad picture, I only had my blackberry and it takes weird fish-bowl pictures. Eva was teeny-tiny at 5 pounds 6 ounces. Max could have eaten her as a snack. I think he was going to, but we held him back. Maura wanted to stay there all day and hold her. I think she was wishing Max was small again. Since that lasted all of about 2 weeks.

I'm Baaaack

Hmmm, it is my first day back at work so I thought I would spend time blogging instead of working. I need to ease into the work thing, I have been lying around in my pj's all day for 3 months, give me a break!!

Bad things about coming back to work:

• Have to get dressed and wear nice shoes, my feet are used to my slippers. I hate shoes.
• Have to find a shirt without spit up on it.
• Have to leave my cute monkeys behind.
• No more watching 10 movies a week.
  
• No more taking naps with Collin and Max.
• Trying to remember what it is I am supposed to do here. It involves actual work, I'm sure it does.
• It is so quiet here, I need chaos to thrive!
• Trying to get used to a Mac again
  

Good things about coming back to work:

• More time to blog!
• Ya, that's all I got.

Just thought I would throw in a few pictures of the kids.

Olivia and Maura being cute

My Sleep-Bots in their matching jammies

Collin showing off his vintage Lee overalls (these were actually Rand's back in the day)

And my Maximus (notice I can't do up the top button)

Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy

Happy Birthday Rand!

Neither of us is too good at all the mushy romantic stuff...but needless to say I sorta like you. And I hope you have a great birthday. Even though the kids like you better than me. And I think my parents might too. I can't really blame them, you are pretty awesome.

Field Trip

We are on a quest this summer to see/do everything cheap and free in Utah. Last week we crossed another one off the list by heading up to Hill Air Force Base to see the museum there. We took our kids, some that weren't ours, and of course Lars.

The kids had a blast and I thought it was pretty darn neat. It is also nice to have someone with you that can answer the million questions you have (Lars). The only bad part of the otherwise great day were all of the fake guys in the glass cases showing the uniforms. CREEPY! Here is one of them, but there are cases of them that you walk through and I felt like they were watching me. I have a thing about mannequins. I have a thing about a lot of things. In case you haven't noticed.

...and I feel fine

Do you ever have recurring dreams? Or the same kind of dream over and over? I do. There is the one where Emily and I die Thelma and Louise style off a cliff, I have that one a lot. Don't know what it means. But that one doesn't really bother me (it does bother Em though, she still gets nervous when we are in a car alone together). For about 10-15 years I have had these crazy end-of-the-world dreams. The world has ended in every way imaginable. They are horrible, awful, completely realistic dreams. I wake up screaming, sweating, sometimes crying. I have them a few times a year. Occasionally Rand will just pat my back or say "how did it end this time?" So how does the world end? Well most recently it has been floods, killer bats, nuclear war, and of course aliens with lasers. There is one thing that is always the same in these dreams. I am always one of the last survivors and everyone I know is gone (a.k.a. dead, eaten, burned, lasered, etc.). And I am always running for my life.

The reason I am writing about all of this is because I had THE most disturbing end of the world dream EVER. And that is saying a lot. So here goes. No laughing. It was really scary. I can't even explain how terrified I was. Are you ready now? How about now? Okay. For reals this time.

Flash forward a few years and drugs and illegal immigration has gotten really out of control. So the government engineers these under-water robots to keep boats from bringing people and drugs into the country. Well, somehow the scientist made these robots too good. And they mutate. They get really, really big. And mean. Imagine the Iron Giant if he were mean and had a skeleton head. Anyway, these robots become human-crushers. They come onto land and keep growing bigger and bigger and they crush all of the humans in the world. Everyone but me and a few other people. They chase me everywhere and crush everyone around me and just as one is about to get me.....I wake up.

I hope you had a good laugh. Like I said, it doesn't sound scary when I tell it. But trust me, it had me begging for the swarms of killer bats. And they were REAL bad.

Maybe I should have a new blog. www.howdiditendthistimerachel.blogspot.com

I'm not allowed to watch movies or the news anymore.

Call The Discovery Channel!

Because I have given birth to a bear cub, not a baby. Max had his 2 month check up this week and he weighed...wait for it....13 pounds 15 ounces. That's right, he almost doubled his birth weight in 2 months. I guess that is what we get for naming him Max Bruno. Max indeed.

Just to Clarify...

Dear Dental Hygienist Lady:

We need to clear things up. We aren't friends. When I come in and you are all friendly and nice to me, asking me about my kids and telling me you like my earrings, you are sending me mixed signals and its confusing. Because then you come at me with that sharp, scraper thingy and you hurt me. Really, really bad. It's like you hate me and think I deserve to be punished. You ask me if I'm okay, but you don't stop long enough for me to tell you that no, I'm not okay and if you don't stop I'm going to hold YOU down and use your instruments of torture against you. And then tell you how cute your shoes are. Which they aren't, they are kind of ugly. But very practical.

Reality Bites

Does the reality of your life sometimes sneak up and smack you in the face? It does that to me occassionally and some days it makes me smile and other days it makes me curl up in a ball and rock back and forth. Today it was the latter. I was hoping to be at the Jenny Lewis and Bon Iver concert tonight, but instead I found myself at the grocery store buying milk and an onion. As I wandered the isles of the evil empire known as Walmart, I couldn't find anything I was looking for and I was grumbling under my breath (and swearing, not so under my breath) and then I came to the sad realization that I actually BELONGED at Walmart at 7:00 at night. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. But then I saw the cutest little boy who was so tired from having so much fun for hours outside today that he fell asleep 10 seconds after his heat hit the ground. And I felt okay again. Until tomorrow.

4th of July

We had a fabulous 4th. It is the one day of the year we get to use our massive backyard and the kids had a blast while we ate ourselves sick...in true American fashion.

The women-folk were in the kitchen cooking (where we belong)

Collin decided early in the morning that he wanted some tattoos (he calls them tic-tac-toos). So we made a run to the store and we all got inked together.

I Like To Ride My Bicycle, I Like To Ride My Bike

I'm trying to join in the lovefest of summer and enjoy it as much as everyone else...but it is difficult for me. There is plenty to love. BBQ's, the kids being outside most of the day, the slip n' slide slide, and of course Collin riding his big boy bike (he is getting so big!)

But there is the part I hate too.

#1 The heat and I don't get along. As Lars would say "we sweat on relatively cool days." Too much information...right? Sorry. It's true.

#2 Baseball. I actually love baseball, it is my favorite sport. I used to go to all of Rand's games and was known to play in a few leagues myself (and I'm not too bad for a girl). That all ended when this happened:

A foul ball straight to a 10 month old's face and a ride in an ambulance will end your love of baseball real quick. We tried to go to an Orem Owlz game last summer and after having a ball land a few yards away from us, I spent the rest of the time in the playground with the huge net around it. Maura isn't the least bit scared of baseballs hitting her in the face...strange. If you look close you can actually see the imprint of the stitches from the baseball.

#3 You know what it is. They are out. They are after me. They are vile. They shall not be named.