Sunday, September 19, 2010

Leave Florence Henderson Out of This!

I just wanted to apologize for the last post. I'm not sure why I was trying to convince you (if anyone still reads this thing) that I'm crazy. You have all met me...I'm pretty sure you don't need convincing that I'm crazy. Rand politely told me to stop telling my "stories" because they all end with me looking crazy. Which I am...I just won't demand you to think that of me again. Needless to say, life is it is for most of us. My brain just isn't equipped to deal with normal stress, let along all the other stress that comes with family and jobs and health and kids. But it's all good. It's still me. Although, I did have a dream that I went to get into my [awesome] minivan and Florence Henderson was being eaten by a velociraptor. This is one of those times I shouldn't have shared...right? Damn. Sorry again.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Have a great summer, don't change!!

My life is crazy. I always knew having 3 kids would be crazy, but it is seriously out of control. So I'm just going to go ahead and go with it. I've always been a little "off" or "special" or maybe "obnoxious." This is nothing new, ask my parents. I'm sure they sat up nights trying to decide how they could mold me into something that would survive in society and not be pointed at. But despite the fact that I've always been in the vicinity of crazy town, I'm pretty sure I have settled in right downtown. I used to think I could keep it all together, clean house, laundry done, have a job, be a better than mediocre wife, etc. But I can't. When I got pregnant with Max, I started to feel things sliding. Then he was born and I had to go back to work and a few more of the few sane parts of my brain were absorbed by the crazy, sane-eating parts. Then my surgeon tried to kill me with the old cut-her-intestines-in-half-trick during a routine procedure. And here we are. I'm nuts. I'm not kidding you, I have lost my freaking marbles. The thing is, I know it and I feel like maybe I always had the potential to get here...but I still held on to some hope that I would keep up the facade. Well, it is long gone now. I used to apologize for being loud, telling vulgar jokes, and being too opinionated. Now I just don't think I give a sh*t. My house looks like a tornado blew threw it. There is a train running around me right now. And not in a Bruce Springsteen "Like a freight train track running through the middle of my mind" kind of way. There is literally a train track all around me in the living room. I haven't seen my laundry room floor in a long time and now I'm scared to. I have pieces of goldfish crackers on my sheets and drool in my shoes (could be mine, could be Max's) and I don't think I care. I found a whisk under my bed. I threw my security badge in the garbage. I watched a Lifetime Movie where Jennifer Love Hewitt works at a "massage parlor" to make ends meet and I LIKED IT! I take mannequins to picnics...not to freak people out, but just because I wanted her to come.

People say you can't change, but I did. There is no going back now. Help us all.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Just in Case

I'm still here. Are you? My creativity and desire to write nonsense has waned. I'm hoping it picks back up, I miss MFS. So I don't have much to report on. Work, home, homework, kids, baby is a bulldozer/Frankenstein hybrid. That's my life in a nutshell. A big, chaotic, messy nutshell. I'll be back with a real post someday soon. As soon I finish that laundry. And clean the kitchen. And get to work on time.

Hope you are all well.

Sally, if you are out there, hey! How are you? Long time no see. Well, I never actually saw you, but long time Maura no see. Now I sound like an idiot. And please don't actually answer me. I will pee my pants.