Saturday, July 14, 2012

Just Breathe, continue

I lost my sarcasm for awhile. It will be back, it just needed some time off. Rand and I both have friends who lost children and other loved ones in the past year or so. It isn't fair and I get angry both at the loss and people thinking their words or advice will fix a grieving mother's pain. My mom lost a daughter before I was born and still mourns her today. I wish I had a superpower that would help. It won't. I have no idea how you help them. I was feeling so sad because Collin was diagnosed with Tourette's this week. I knew it was coming, but I still can't help be saddened by the difficult road he will face. But I still have him. I wouldn't trade any of it, because he is mine and is meant to be this way. Already I see Maura become his fierce Protector and he grows stronger and weaker at the same time. And I feel I have lost nothing and feel guilt for feeling I had in any way lost him, I haven't. He is still my Collin. My sweet, beautiful boy. And if you even look like you will make fun of him, his big sister will kick your teeth in. Things are just fine with the Brunos. With our friends who lost more than I can imagine...I never know the right thing to say. I don't want to say the wrong thing and so I say too little. I hope all of you who have lost someone and had to deal with me, I just wasn't built to comfort people. So I am sorry and I hope you can take it one step at a time. I, Despite popular belief,was programmed to feel emotions other than sarcasm (still not sure that is an emotion) and anger. Rach