Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Better Turn the Bass Up on This One..

Let me preface this by saying that I should not be allowed in public. I should be supervised at all times. My lack of filter is going to get me beat up one day.

I had to go to Target, that I used to love, but not so much anymore. I am usually (always) there for a RX refill and end up wandering around getting angry at things. But lets back up, shall we? It all started when I attempted to enter the store. I, thinking crosswalks are for PEOPLE WALKING, almost got run down by a big SUV with a lady in sunglasses more expensive than this computer talking on her phone. She slammed on her brakes and saw me RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER and I yelled "See the lines lady, crosswalk means I walk, you stop!" She couldn't hear me but just rolled her eyes and continued on. Then the pharmacy didn't have my medicine ready (why would they, it is only their job) so I had 30 minutes to kill. After perusing the little girls section and realized that NOTHING there was appropriate for a 7 year old girl, got mad and went to the book section, normally my happy place. But I find 1. A parenting book by Kate Goslin B. 2 books by Lauren Conrad and C. The most heinous of all crimes, A freaking Kardashian "book" right next to a memoir called "The homeless girl's guide." Also, Catcher in the Rye was right underneath. Seriously people? So the natural thing to do was to move the memoir next to Catcher in the Rye and move some lame book by one of the housewives of somewhere famous for nothing next to the Kardashians. It gave me little relief. After 45 minutes I finally got out the door with necessary (obviously) medicine in hand. As I left, with no incident in the crosswalk this time, I noticed some punk kid parked in one of the last handicapped parking stalls. I take this personally. I know many disabled people and I once had casts on both my feet for months and could never find a space because people like this jackass think they are entitled to park there. Not only was he taking the last space closest to the store, he had his "angry" white rap-rock crap blaring from his stereo...with his window down to show everyone how manly he was. I saw a lady get into the handicap stall next to him (she was ACTUALLY handicapped) and she shot a look of disgust to him and I was thinking things in my head then realized I was actually doing and saying them out loud. I tapped his car with my foot and he looked up and I said "You are in a handicap stall dipshit. Being disabled about your music choices don't count." And he stared at me through his side swept bangs and looked shocked that anyone would say anything. I kept walking hoping he wasn't mentally unstable and then lauged in the car at the thought of him telling his girlfriend or boyfriend...oh who are we kidding he was waiting for his girlfriend and trying to look manly, and telling her "This crazy old lady called me a dipshit and then some stuff that didn't make sense." Like I said...I am going to get beat up one day, but sometimes I just can't help myself. Besides, it wasn't like he was going to pop a cap in my ass with his invisible gun. But still. Keep me supervised. At ALL times. And when necessary, slap you hand over my mouth and escort me to my car.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Max 2.0

My Maximus Bruno turned the big 2 on Friday the 13th. We got a good laugh out of that, being that he is sorta a demon in the perfect disguise of an angelic little boy with bright blue eyes and shiny blond hair. And a the laugh of an old chain-smoking woman.

I am hoping that he is just really smart and ahead of the game and his terrible twos happened a year early and they will magically disappear after he is 2. In reality he is just getting started. But we didn't need quiet. Or a clean house. Or sanity. We do without. He has taught me to (attempt) to deal with not having a perfectly clean house, something I'm not used to. He taught me that it's okay if there is goo and unidentified slime everywhere. What could I do but just deal with it? It was good for me. He is still one loved little boy. He was my easiest labor (almost didn't go to the hospital because it didn't hurt). He was and has always been really difficult while awake, but the best sleeper ever. He will crawl in bed himself and pull the covers over his head. I'm just trying to think of the positives here because he has ruined something important to me at least every week of his life since his last birthday. But they are just things. Just really sentimental important things. I have more holes in walls and dings in my furniture and ink on my couches than I did with both of my other kids combined. But Maura and Collin don't mind. They love him and don't let me get too mad at him. And if anything he has driven them closer together when he is too bad for even them. They huddle together and tell each other it will be alright. Collin slept in Maura's room until a few months ago because Max would wake him up every morning by yelling "Juice. Choo choos!! DAAAADY. EEEAT!"

This year had been really hard for me and Max. I have had to work a lot and had to be in bed a lot because of my back. I couldn't lift him most of the year. I missed a lot while traveling and working hard at my job. I felt like maybe we didn't bond because I had less time with him than the other two. So basically what I am saying is that it is Rand's fault he is insane. Actually I love that Rand has such a tight bond with him. It hurts sometimes when he wants Dad instead of Mom, but the other two still come to me so I will let him have it. And when Max is upset it is best the more patient parent attends to him. Let's see, other things he has mastered this year: Well he lost all that chunk that I loved so much. But don't worry, he is still a force to be reckoned with. Oh and the tantrums. Really intense, throw-yourself-on-the-ground-and-gnash-your-teeth kind. But then I get home from work and he runs and hugs me so hard I almost fall over. He usually hits me in the face with a toy 10 minutes later...but maybe I was bad. He is a great climber. He can reach anything. Including lots of stuff I really liked and put up high so he wouldn't ruin them. He has learned to talk, which was a little delayed (just compared to my other kids) but it is coming fast now. He says NO really good. He has always been really good at using body language to tell us what he wants. If he really didn't like what you were suggesting he would put his head on his shoulder and spin around. If he liked it he would lift his head and "yes" though for a long time it sounded like "ass." He helped Maura and Collin grow up a lot. Collin had to adjust to being put second or third and giving in a little just so we could have peace. Maura learned to change diapers, make bottles, put him in bed and make him breakfast. She amazes me and I know Max has made her even better. He is so stubborn I see myself so much in him. He is not flexible and doesn't like a change in plans. He will never be described as easy going like the other two. But that is why he is Max and always his dials are ALWAYS turned to 11. And we love him so much. He made our family complete. I think knowing he is our last child gave us the patience to get through the bad times. He is the caboose to the Bruno family and we ended on one hell of a note. There is only one Max Bruno, so watch out world, he is just getting started.

We love you Maximus. We love your craziness, your energy, your dancing, your scary laugh, and mostly that you are ours. Well maybe not the times you throw yourself on the ground in public and act like an animal being slowly tortured. Those times I say "Hey little boy, where is your mommy?"