Sunday, June 12, 2011

I'm free...but not in a good way

So, nothing new here to report...just that I am unemployed (not by choice, by layoff) and sort of freaking out. I have never been without job. Even when I quit my job when Maura was born I got a contracting gig 2 months later. I'm sort of lost at the moment and not sure what to do. I have three kids to take care of, but they are so used to me being at work they just sort of do their own thing. I haven't gone into depression mode yet, but I feel it looming. We will be okay for a few months, but then we will be selling our house and then I skip depression mode and go straight to rocking back and forth and muttering to myself stage.

It is strange when you have worked for a company as long as I have. It has been 7 years plus some and you get so used to an environment and then...BAM! See ya later. I felt like I got broken up when I wasn't quite ready to. But they had someone else break up with me for them. But I also don't want to beg them to take me back either. I didn't act very lady like, and I didn't take it very well. In retrospect, maybe I should have just said "OK" and packed stuff up. But that isn't really my style. I didn't go postal or anything, just lots and lots of anger...directed at the wrong people. But I'm okay now and am planning a list of things I will get done until I (hopefully soon) get a job. I hope I don't get done with all of them. It is a long list and I need a job. My kids like to eat, I have health problems and need insurance.

I am figuring that by boss/bosses are reading this. They have mentioned things to me that I have only said on my blog. That's okay, it is an open blog, no crime there. Maybe just creepy, but whatever. I don't really have anything to say to them/they he/she, etc. Okay, that is a lie, I have lots of things in my head, but it wouldn't do any good and for now I am focusing on moving forward and trying to find that teeny tiny optimist in me. I hope it didn't give up and go away. I haven't used it for a long time.

So that is all for now. Oh, and my baby girl turns 8 tomorrow! I was worried about whether I would be able to take a day off for it...but I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore! Pics of her awesome party to come...

So give me a call...let's hang out. Unless you are my boss/bosses, then please don't. But anyone else, I need something to do! I'm already worried about this week and I have only had one day of unemployment so far.

4 comments:

Kelsey K. Hartley said...

Looking for a job is similar to that feeling just after a car wreck—awful!

You're a hard-working woman. I know you'll find something. It's a mercurial industry you worked for and 7 years is a fantastic record under such circumstances. Plus, you've got friends networked in multiple places. Brush up that resume, dust yourself off and—you'll see—things will turn up.

Rachel said...

Oh resume has been dusted off and polished for quite some time. This is why I am worried....

dana liston said...

Rachel I am very sorry. It is not a great feeling to not know the future and what is coming next. I am wishing you the best.

Team O'Connor said...

I so wish I could have lunch with you and listen to the whole story. I'm still totally intrigued by the company drama. I hope you do find something soon Rachel. Hopefully there is a fun adventure awaiting you. Yeah, looking for a job sucks. I am not looking forward to that after the military.