Over the past few months I've learned something I watched my mom go through more times than I can count. People running out of sympathy for you.
I hurt my back a few months ago, on top of an old gymnastics injury that had been causing me problems and woke up one day with excruciating pain. After 3 weeks, it didn't let up and I had an MRI and went to a specialist. I am going in today for a somewhat new treatment to have the nerves in my lower back burnt off so they don't send pain signals anymore. I'm terrified but excited at the prospect of not having pain. At first people were very sympathetic, they told me about loved ones they watched go through back pain, how horrible it is, etc. Then after a few weeks, less and less people seem to believe you are actually in pain. Some even questioned "Well how would THAT cause so much pain?" Oh, you're right, you know better than me how I feel, thanks for sharing! It seems their mentality is "You look fine, you are at work, you have makeup on and don't look like you are dying...so what is the problem?" You get to the point where people ask you how you are and you want to say "like someone is stabbing my back over and over again every second of every day, thanks for asking." But you say "Fine,thanks." Because deep down, you know they don't get it, they will think you are being dramatic. I have had this conversation with my mom and dad often, as my mom has dealt with chronic pain for decades. I tried to understand and I never doubted her pain, but it really was hard to understand, so I do and don't blame "these people." Okay, that is a lie, I do blame them. Some of them, anyway. I know my pain isn't even close to what people can experience and I have a new found respect for anyone dealing with pain and illnesses every day. So why do we run out of sympathy? Why is there an expiration date on how long we can empathize with someone? Maybe we don't want to admit that deep down we want to say "Just push through the pain, go on with things." Easier said than done. So I'm praying that this extremely painful procedure will lessen these past extremely painful months. And if you see someone who "seems fine" don't underestimate what they can be going through.
Now can someone help me down? This soapbox is super high, and my back hurts. Thanks.
5 comments:
OH, do I feel you. I have had this conversation with several people close to me that have dealt with chronic pain, and I think the answer is in the difference between sympathy and empathy. If some feels badly for you, but doesn't get it, they lose the ability to act like they care in a very short time. If they have BEEN THERE, though, the understanding never goes away...
I find that the best solution is to not put on make up and act like I feel OK. :) Then everyone KNOWS I feel like crap.
I so TOTALLY understand. You are awesome and I so hope this procedure works! Back pain rules your whole life. I am so sorry you're going through this.
I'll be praying for you Rach! My dad has had chronic pain for about 15 or so years now and I've seen how horrible it can be. He's been accused of being a pain pill addict, faking it, milking the system. It sucks bad. I don't know how people deal with chronic pain because I can barely deal with PMS. I really hope this treatment helps you. Keep me posted on your progress. Have you heard about micro current treatments? My dad gets those and has gotten some relief.
Rachel, how my heart aches for you. I have had my back go out on me several times and have delt with months and months on end of major pain down my leg and pain in my back and having such a hard time just doing every day things. I was scheduled for back surgery and luckily found what worked for me to get rid of the pain (for now). I hope that you find relief and that the burning of the nerves works. I wish you all the best. Karrie
I can't imagine how miserable that must be. I hope the procedure goes well and you feel better soon. I agree with Melanie. No makeup = visual proof that you feel horrible. Love to you from the island :)
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